Transactional Nature of Relationships

Two posts earlier, I had talked of a conversation where the issue "how to get girls" came up. Now prior to this, we had been talking of my run-ins with girls and their aftermaths. As I tried to explain to her how I perceived such relationships, she suddenly said "So you believe in the transactional nature of relationships". And that I think had been the word I had been looking for all along.

What that would imply is that while in relationships or whence getting into one, I take the cost of this relationship in terms of a few parameters, how does it affect my alreasy existing relationships, how much time I would need to devote for this one, how much money (to a small degree, yet there) and how long will it last? Therefore everybody relationship would be like a transaction which I would mull over a lot.

The thing with relationships is that you can't really bargain on the terms you get. Take it or leave it, is the rule. Plus, you don't want to be seen dithering over deciding whether you want to pursue the relationship or not. Most emotional relationships are supposed to "just happen" rather than be engineered.

Therefore, while this would work in almost all other dealings in life, while looking for emotional realtionships, a transactional approach wouldn't be very useful.

I don't know what the moral of the story is, however atleast now I have another cool funda to talk about!!

And we owe our happiness to

I recall very vividly the farewell of the batch of students from my department in my college when I was in my first year. It was a singularly depressing sight. Only 4-5 out of a batch of around 40 had gotten jobs (even they didn't have what they'd have liked or aspired to) and the rest were as morose as they had been attending a funeral. It was a funeral, mostly, as student after student came up to the dias and in turn, lambasted the department, the placement cell and implored future batches to pay more attention to their studies. The effect on a fresh bright eager student (yours truly) was strong enough, that all my actions for the next three years was towards ensuring I don't suffer that fate (but that's another story).

Coming to the summer of 2006, as this year's batch was having its farewell, there were smiles all around. People were in a self-congratulatory mode and generally having fun. I took some time out to students to tell them to work hard since times are not always the same, but I don't think anybody paid much attention. Jobs were aplenty, and people had better things to do than listen to an old fogey.

What has changed?

Most of the jobs that people have were in sunrise sectors, IT, ITes, KPOs, the like. What has brought these jobs into India? I believe a lot has to do with government policies that go back to the reforms in 92. As a partner in my firm told me a few days back, before McKinsey came to campus in IIMA in 92-93 (don't particular remeber which of these years), the packages were something like 60-70K a year, which McK took to 3.25 and doubled it a while later. Before these companies came with the wave of liberalisation, there were hardly any jobs through which a person could dream of buying a house, a car in a few years while working in a regular job. And that, over the years, changed.

And now we are witnessing the second wave that is sweeping the country bringing in its wake more jobs fulfilling the aspirations of our generation.

However, as we wallowed in mutual backslapping, in none of these farewell speeches were the architects of our happiness, our future prosperity thanked. Well, I apologise, but thanks Mr. Narasimha Rao, Mr Manmohan Singh, Mr P Chidambaram, Mr Montek Ahluwalia and several others, who didn't come into the limelight.

Thank you sirs. Thanks for making India a happier place.

Getting a Girl

This is at the end of a discussion that we were having at our office (my friends if I told them, we had such discussions at office would be hard put to explain why we were making so much money :D). Anyways, the discussion began with a few of us discussing what was the right age for each of us to get married, and then veered towards girls as a species and how to get girls. Many posts can be written about this discussion since a lot of interesting theories were put forward but the biggest takeaway :) I had from it was one what female colleague explained as the three rules towards getting a girl:

1. Don't consider that they are from a different planet. They are like you in more ways than you'd expect them to be.
2. Don't put random fight to get a girl. Becomes unsustainable (if successful).
3. If you like someone, tell her.

Hmmm. Some food for thought. Especially since I am so vella these days.

I am sure nobody reads this, but just to keep track of time, Happy Diwali to everyone. Am going home for Diwali after 5 years. Should be good.

Perjury

Until recently, I was almost a compulsive liar. I might be lying when I use, until recently, however, witticisms apart, recently I decided to try hard and not to lie anymore.

I went through some bad times earlier and had then begin lying as a defence mechanism. While, it may have helped me through my professional life/career, I did irreparable damage to my personal life and my own self-esteem.

Now that I am in a good place I decided that lying/suspension of disbelief can only take me so far without causing me severe heartburn. Now that my priorities have changed, I have decided to align my nature accordingly to have more peace in my life.

Well, here's to "The Unbearable Lightness of Being"

Blogging - My Take On It

In this entry, when I talk to blogs, they specifically refer to personal blogs, not general purpose blogs.

Many of my friends (mutual and unilateral) blog. For several reasons. I suspect many of them do it with the same reasons as many others indulge in exhibitionism, what one of my friends/colleagues called "public prostitution". I don't mean to be so scathing however. Exhibitionism is the extreme form some people take emotional release to. There is some justice to the theory of catharsis, letting go of the self, to achieve emotional balance, by letting the floodgates open. This has been proved to be a very useful way of clearing the mind of useless muck and refocusing it on the important. People used diaries for this purpose earlier.

However, what would be interesting to analyse is whether people in the past would have liked to show their diaries to others. I don't know. Assuming that very few people showed their diaries to others, we are led to conclude that there are many more private blogs that exist on the internet than public blogs. In fact, more with a certain factor.

Hmmm.

Introduction

Hi. Am not sure whether someone else besides me is ever gonna read this or whether I am gonna write here again. But nevertheless, an introduction must be written and this is one.

There are three things the blogger account asked me to enter by way of signifying what this blog would/is about and I'll start with those. The blog's title "looking closer" refers to American Beauty (one of my favourite movies and arguably one of the best movies every made) which implies looking within self to discover peace.

The other being the title of the page, which being "Musings of a Wanderer" is a reflection of what I am and what I am gonna do here. This page will be a collection of assorted thoughts that come to mind now and then so that I reflect on them later, which might serve as a recording of my moments in life (may be am getting too ambitious here). Also, "Wanderer" and my signature name "Journeyman" describe my life till now. Have never stayed at a particular place or with people very long. Am a person who is not very connected to any thing or anyone, and find it difficult to let go of myself. Thus, the wanderer :).

The inspiration for this blog is a few relationships I have had in the past few months which have taught me a lot about myself. About how closed I was, how superficial I had become and how I sometimes needed to drop my guard and allow people within s0 that I could have a fruitful relationship with them.

So I have decided to try and catalogue some of my feelings across time and see what is emerging.

"At the beginning of a beautiful journey whose future is uncertain, as is its success"

Bon Voyage!!